The Perfection in Me

 

My mama drove me hard,

I was confused as a young one,

One day she would mock my way of talking,

I’d hit her, she’d smack me back,

The next day she would yell at me

To pick up my feet as I was walking,

Day after day she drove me so hard,

Then she’d be sweet and take me

To the doll shop, the clock shop,

And out for finger sandwiches and tea,

But she never quite saw the perfection in me.

 

My mama drove me hard,

Always pushing, pushing, pushing me

I even looked in the file cabinet for

My adoption papers ‘cause I couldn’t believe

My real mama would be so mean,

But alas, alas, she was my real mama.

And to her dying day, she never did quite see,

The perfection in me.

 

My mama drove me hard,

Never satisfied that I was trying hard enough

But I was!  I was!!! Every day I tried so hard,

But it was never quite good enough.

She had months to live and still tried to

Control which wedding pictures I sent out,

Cause she didn’t like the ones that showed my disability,

“Oh no, she said, don’t send that one, look at your hand,

and in this one your face is contorted.”

 

“Mama,” I said, “I am sending all of these,

I just came over to show you,

‘Cause I am not ashamed of my disability,

Sometimes I look like that,

And sometimes I look like this,

I have waited my whole life for you

To accept my disability

But you’ve never quite seen

The perfection in me,

Oh no you’ve never quite seen

The perfection in me.”

 

I know Mama did the best she could

With what she had, I know she loved me

The best and the only way she could

It’s an old sayin’ but ever so true,

We never know what drives another to act

The way they do.

 

Tamar Mag Raine November 2, 2014